Archive for July, 2012

Can I? Can’t I?

Posted in Feelings, Thoughts on July 8, 2012 by altins

Dear Sweet, Sweet Lord,

That new journey, should I take it or not?

It’s kinda scary, You know, with so many responsibilities.

Do I have enough skill to do it?

Do I have enough courage to do it?

Do I have enough endurance for it?

I… I’m still that little girl, Lord.

Crying and weeping when I do something wrong, instead of stand firmly and admit my mistake in a courageous way.

Worrier and nail biter when I concern about something.

You know, money is never my purpose in the first place, for I believe that You are the God who provides.

You know my grandpa believe in you, my parents too, and You promise that the descendants of people who have faith in You, You will never let them starving.

So, I too, have faith in You and Your promises.

But this kind of blessing, sweet Lord, is too big for both of my hands, feels too heavy for my shoulders.

You even know that my current zone is still not my comfort zone, I still feel like having a battlefield every time I wake up in the morning. A battlefield that thrills me, and excites me, and everyday is like a brand new story for me. Love it, that at least unlike Xena, I can dress up before going to the battlefield.

But, Dear Lord, are You challenging me now? Because You know, I never back down from a challenge.

But I’m still not ready to say “Bring it on.”

*take a deep breathe…

You do still remember my prayer in 2003, between the UI and Del. That if it took me closer to You than before, let me took the journey, but if it took me away from You, my sweet sweet Lord, might I run from it as far away as I could.

And here I am, not standing on my feet, but down on both my knees before You, my dearest Creator.

I propose to You, my sweet Jesus.

Please take this new journey with me. Hold both my hands in Your big big wounded hands.

For You the only one who deserves the honor.

Promise me, dear Jesus, that You will always be here with me. More than anyone, it’s You on my number 1 list.

Just like how it was and it is, I know You are there, watching me, guiding me, smile with me, laugh with me.

Thank you for being here with me, Thank you for carrying me in Your shoulder when I felt tired.

Thank you for accompanying me so far.

But in Your blueprint for my life, do you have lots of journeys for me?

As long as You are here guiding me through each step, I’m ready, Lord.

Let people see Your light through my life and how I act.

Teach me to count Your blessings, one by one by one.

And through it all, I’m super super glad, knowing that I’m Your bride.

See you later, My Groom.

Love you, J.

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