Can I? Can’t I?

Posted in Feelings, Thoughts on July 8, 2012 by altins

Dear Sweet, Sweet Lord,

That new journey, should I take it or not?

It’s kinda scary, You know, with so many responsibilities.

Do I have enough skill to do it?

Do I have enough courage to do it?

Do I have enough endurance for it?

I… I’m still that little girl, Lord.

Crying and weeping when I do something wrong, instead of stand firmly and admit my mistake in a courageous way.

Worrier and nail biter when I concern about something.

You know, money is never my purpose in the first place, for I believe that You are the God who provides.

You know my grandpa believe in you, my parents too, and You promise that the descendants of people who have faith in You, You will never let them starving.

So, I too, have faith in You and Your promises.

But this kind of blessing, sweet Lord, is too big for both of my hands, feels too heavy for my shoulders.

You even know that my current zone is still not my comfort zone, I still feel like having a battlefield every time I wake up in the morning. A battlefield that thrills me, and excites me, and everyday is like a brand new story for me. Love it, that at least unlike Xena, I can dress up before going to the battlefield.

But, Dear Lord, are You challenging me now? Because You know, I never back down from a challenge.

But I’m still not ready to say “Bring it on.”

*take a deep breathe…

You do still remember my prayer in 2003, between the UI and Del. That if it took me closer to You than before, let me took the journey, but if it took me away from You, my sweet sweet Lord, might I run from it as far away as I could.

And here I am, not standing on my feet, but down on both my knees before You, my dearest Creator.

I propose to You, my sweet Jesus.

Please take this new journey with me. Hold both my hands in Your big big wounded hands.

For You the only one who deserves the honor.

Promise me, dear Jesus, that You will always be here with me. More than anyone, it’s You on my number 1 list.

Just like how it was and it is, I know You are there, watching me, guiding me, smile with me, laugh with me.

Thank you for being here with me, Thank you for carrying me in Your shoulder when I felt tired.

Thank you for accompanying me so far.

But in Your blueprint for my life, do you have lots of journeys for me?

As long as You are here guiding me through each step, I’m ready, Lord.

Let people see Your light through my life and how I act.

Teach me to count Your blessings, one by one by one.

And through it all, I’m super super glad, knowing that I’m Your bride.

See you later, My Groom.

Love you, J.

What They Don’t See

Posted in Feelings on October 14, 2011 by altins

Me…

I am truly an ordinary girl…

Always forget about things,

Like to drop something,

Always in a hurry,

Often times get late for everything,

Thinking about lots of unimportant things,

Even trip on my own feet while wearing flat shoes,

Just a normal, regular, day-dreamer…

They see that I am smart,

What they don’t see is hours I spent to memorize something,

What they don’t see is my bursting brain trying to understand something,

What they don’t see is my effort that most of the time, almost cost me my health.

They see that my life looks so easy,

What they don’t see is my hands reaching out, requesting to God

What they don’t see is my request with a humble heart,

What they don’t see is my fail experiments.

What they don’t see is me,

all along with my victories and my failures,

all along with my tears and my laugh,

all along with my patience and my hurries,

They just don’t take a closer look at me.

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Posted in Feelings, Thoughts on October 3, 2011 by altins

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Do I have the courage..?

Posted in Thoughts on September 15, 2011 by altins

Long “forced” holiday…7 days.

And suddenly the craziest idea that ever crossed my mind… 7 days of backpacking to the middle of nowhere.

Oh God… if this doesn’t according to Your Blueprint of my life, you surely will never allow such a crazy idea to cross my mind, right?

Dizzy…excitement…rush of adrenaline.

But…do I have the courage…?

Do I have what it takes to start this?

Ahhhhh…  I think I’m going crazy.

Aiyooo…otoke…!? Otoke, Mr.J? Should I go…shouldn’t I go?

As we grow older, it’s not the things we did that we often regret

but the things we didn’t do.

Another thing that crossed my mind…. I absolutely….don’t want to regret of the things I didn’t do.

Hey, Mr.J…. I’ll be counting on You more then. Love U, J.

Unspoken words

Posted in Feelings on June 11, 2011 by altins

For my special lady friend, this is what I want to say to you…

my unspoken words…

What happen to that passionate lady I once knew? 

Don’t get me wrong. I do happy for the new chapter in your life. I sincerely am.

But why? Why do I feel like your world suddenly stop spinning?

What happen to that girl who is dreaming touring around the world?

Why do you have to stop dreaming? 

What happen to that girl, an enthusiast girl who wants to study this and that?

Where is she?

Why do I feel like you’re making all those reasons to stop you on the track?

You said you have no time because of your children.

I said, because of your children, shouldn’t you be more courageous and be more passionate about your dreams, about your life.

Shouldn’t you show them how wonderful the life that their mother has?

That to have a dream, and courageously run after your dream is precious.

That to study this and that, and to study more and more is life’s award.

Shouldn’t you share your passion towards life with your children?

It’s your inheritance for them, isn’t it?

Compare to money, houses, cars, isn’t it more precious?

To encourage your children to have dreams, study lots of things, be more passionate, and to love life.

But in the end, I can only be still.

Just know this, no matter what happen, you are my friend.

*Sigh…

Seoul, South Korea Agenda Dec2011/Jan2012

Posted in Thoughts, Travelling on May 24, 2011 by altins

1. Eat jajangmyun (order using delivery line)

2. Eat ddokbooki (spicy rice cakes on a stall on the street)

3. Taste soju (Won 1000 per bottle, just one, make sure you don’t get drunk, and you drink it with your girlfriends)

4. Taste makgeolli (Rice wine, drink it with the special makgeolli glass)

5. Go to Jejudooooo…perhaps snorkeling if it’s possible

6. Go to Seo Byun’s garden apartment.

7. Go to at least one of this shows (MusicBank, MusicCore or Inkigayo)

8. Taking a picture on Coffee Prince’s cafe down the MBC station

9. Don’t forget hanbok…one silk hanbok to go please…

10. Buy a lotere…..lol

11. Since it’s winter…perhaps, ice skating (optional)

12. Visit the Goong (Gyeongbok Palace)

13. Don’t forget make an appointment and meet with Aarti Swain

14. Go to at least one musical in the theatre

15. Dohhh…Namsan Tower is a must! And also Namsan Cable Car..

16. Go to at least one museum.

17. Lotte World..(optional)

18. Namdaemun market…(hunting for a cap, tasting mandoo guk-dumpling soup and bindae duk-skillet-fried mung-bean pancake)

19. A sweater and a jacket @ itaewon.

20. An evening stroll down the Cheonggyecheon Stream

21. Register for Seoul Tour City Bus

22. HongDae……enjoy the indie music..yeah

23. Go to Pamunjom, the coupd’etat village between North Korea n South Korea. Take a picture with North Korea’s soldier…lol

24. Traditional Tea House, Yet Cha Jip, @ Insa-dong District

25. The cool fountain in front of City Hall Square (don’t forget to bring change clothes and towel)

26. How can I forget…..Spa and the 24 hours sauna, also the public bath house…lol

27. Perhaps get a temporary perm..like an ahjumma (definitely an optional)

Ps: Must remember to take a picture as evidence.

Planned Days : 9 Days

Planned Budget : 3000 SGD (2.6 million krw)

Target reached so far : 33%

Transportation Cost (SG-Seoul) : 1000 SGD.

Transportation Cost (Seoul-Jeju Do) : 300 SGD

Accomodation Cost (7 Days in Seoul) : 140,000 krw (7*20,000 krw @http://www.guesthouseinkorea.com)

Accomodation Cost (3 Days, 2 Nights in Jejudo) : 100 SGD (2*50 SGD @http://www.hostelworld.com)

Things that I must bring :

- Bible and my ODB

- 1 big towel, 1 small towel, handkerchieves

- 1 bed sheet, 1 pillow case, 1 bolster case

- 1 sarong, or small blanket

- thick jackets, scarf, socks, gloves, undies

- my minihp, and it’s adaptor

- my digicam, empty the memory, 2 pack of batteries, charger

- my polaroid and lots…lots of film packages

- 3 jeans, 1 skirt, 12 tshirts/shirts

- 1 flat boots, 1 sandal, 1 skeechers

- 1 bottle drink, medium size

- 2 tupperwares, mediumand large size

- Liquid soap, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, moisturizer, lip gloss (all in small size)

Motto..motto : Love budgets, Saving comes first than spending, No expensive coffees on working days, No luxury dining on working days, Save…save…save..so you can travel the world. Amen.

Has only just begun…

Posted in Thoughts on April 21, 2011 by altins

When people said, “You won’t be able to do it!”

When people said, “I doubt your skill!”

Then, it is the time, when I have to grit my teeth, cover my ears, and move forward.

I may get punched once or twice, I may bleeding, I may get hurt in the process, but I won’t back down.

Once I fall, I’ll get up. Twice I fall, still I’ll get up. Even if I fall for the millionth time, I will get up using my own two feet.

For I know, this is my battle. And no one is the victor, unless me.

And by the time, I finish this battle, I may face another battle, greater, harder, and deadlier battle.

Should I continue or should I bravely heed to the battlefield? Well, quitting is no longer an option.

Since a great warrior didn’t born in the easy war, they were born in the deadliest battle, armed with determination, and crowned with victory.

This is how far I’ve come, and must I go a thousand miles.

The journey isn’t over yet. As a matter of fact, it has only just begun.

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